|United Airlines United Airlines actually charged me $250.00 USD to add a second bag / piece of luggage that was slightly overweight. In my experience |
|11th of Jul, 2011 by User516358 |
|United Airlines actually charged me $250.00 USD to add a second bag / piece of luggage that was slightly overweight. In my experience with other airlines all over the world this should have reasonably been between $50 - $75 total, not a raping me with an outrageously high rate of $250.00. To make it much worse, the Operating Manager on duty at Munich Airport, Heidi Noe had a major attitude, was dismissive and only angered me more instead of being at all pleasant, curitious, or caring about me as the customer.|
|Pat gave me his phone number at the bar. He told me to meet him at his hotel room. He said he pays many women for sex to make extra money. Pat told me his wife didn't care if he had sex with other women. He payed me in Euros since I was foreign.|
My Letter To The Man Who Raped Me
I have read and been told by other survivors it is often very theraputic to write a letter to the person who raped you. You can voice your feelings about how you feel about what he did, vent all of those pent up feelings of frustration and anger and confront him with issues that you need answers to, even though you are never likely to receive them.
Who knows perhaps the man who raped me will read this and realise it is directed to him and him alone. Perhaps then one day soon he will believe his first instincts that he did in fact rape me no matter how hard he tries to blot it out of his memories.
I have often wondered if over the last 5 months you have come to terms with what you did to me. I know i haven't. I wonder if your memory has conveniently deceived you into believing you didn't rape me. It's strange how at first, up till about 9-10 hours afterwards you admitted to yourself the truth that what you did that morning was without my consent, was in fact that you had raped me. You even volunteered to go to the police and confess. No-one who is innocent would do that!
You told me in black and white you felt like an "ugly sadistic rapist" and that if it hadn't been for circumstances you would have ended your life. Can you in all honesty tell me that someone who had done nothing wrong would have such feelings? You say it was because i was so upset afterwards that led you to believe you had raped me. Why was i so upset? Would i have been so upset if i had just had regular consentual sex with you? It's time you faced the fact that what you did that morning was totally without my consent. You raped me!
Can you remeber the summer break when you had no money because your grant had run out? Who was it that made sure you had regular meals, washed your clothes, let you use my phone, my house like it was your own, who took your daughter out for a birthday treat as you didn't drive, even gave you money for train fares and so that you could go to the pub with your friends? You knew i was struggling to make ends meet. You knew i was living on state benefits, and yet still you took from me. It was me that went without to make sure my kids didn't. I was the one who made your miserable life comfortable. It was me that cared for you like i do for everyone. God I was so foolish.
No wonder you reacted so violently when i rejected you. Your cosy way of life was under threat. You could see it all slipping away. You had tried to use all the ways you knew to hang on to me.
You didn't like it when you were excluded form other parts of my life. You wanted to have control over who i was friends with, that way you could vet them and make sure they weren't going to be a threat to you and your new found way of life. When my friend came to stay for a week, you tried all the ways you could invent to phone, mail or even visit me. You even stooped so low as to threaten suicide knowing that my very nature would mean i could not ignore such threats, even if they were just a ploy. You knew exactly which emotional buttons to press.
But none of them were working. You knew i had met someone else, someone who i cared about. Hell i even told you about him. But you tried to block it out. You wouldn't listen to me, you couldn't accept the fact that my attentions were now being taken away from you. Instead you tried all the ways you knew to hang on. Taking advantage of my "niceness", knowing how hard i found it to deal with you when you broke down and cried in front of me, with you pleading with me, with you telling me you couldn't live without me, while you manipulated my feelings and emotions.
All you could really see was that i was no longer interested in you as a person. You were having to take a back seat while i devoted my attention to someone else. You couldn't take it. You had to do something. Everything else had failed. It was time for something more drastic.
You knew all of my secrets. I had found it so easy to talk to you. You found me when i was vunerable, having just escaped from an abusive marriage. I was struggling with 3 children, a new way of life and all the finacial and emotional difficulties it brought with it. There you were, someone i could lean on a while to ease the emotional burden. Someone i could share things with, someone i could hold onto when things got tough. You were so strong then. I was so convinved that you were a good person, someone i could trust, and i did.
Little did i know then how you would abuse that trust, and how you would in turn use it against me to emotionally blackmail me into doing what you wanted.
You knew my interests. You knew too that it was not the kind of thing that i would want everyone to know about. Not because i was doing anything wrong or anything i was ashamed of, but because of the way the gutter press portrayed things, and the implications that went with it. You knew about my past, and all of the hurt and pain that i had gone through in my childhood.
You had to prove somehow that you could be everything i needed. That way you could ensure that i would not need anyone else. In trying do do this you delved deep into your twisted mind.
I say twisted because that is the only way i can describe the fantasy that you relived that morning whilst you were raping me. You actually believed you were the nazi officer and i was actually the poor defensless jewish woman you were raping. You took over the whole persona. You were indeed who your sick mind led you to believe you were. Your eyes were crazed as you took great delight in describing what you were doing and why. You were him. You were that nazi officer that morning. Even your voice changed.
I was scared. Scared becuase you were no longer the person i knew. It would have been bad enough just to have had regular sex without consent, but this was something else. It was like you had gone crazy. You couldn't tell reality from your fantasy. I was the one listening to what you were saying, i was the one who was there who was having these things done to her, i was the one in the real world. You were lost in your imaginary world. A world were you could take what you wanted knowing that there was no comeback, after all i was just a jewish slut, someone to use and abuse, it was your right. You status empowered you to do anything you wanted to, to force me to do everything you wanted, to threaten my family, my children if i didn't do what you wanted. Oh the power. You revelled in it. Now you wonder why i didn't struggle, why i didn't scream out for help. You were crazed, incapable of hearing me even if i had been able to say anything. Totally unaware of your surroundings. You were in nazi Germany. I was the one who was there, watching your face, seeing the arrogance, the satisfaction the hatred that you were showing towards me. The only thing was Patrick it wasn't some jewish woman you were raping, it was me.
Afterwards when you sat on the end of the bed with your head in your hands was the point where you came back to reality. The point where you were crying "god what have i done, what have i done" that was when you realised what you had done. That was the moment it dawned on you that you had raped me. Why else would you have asked me to forgive you? Does that sound like a man who had had consentual sex with someone? No, not in my book. Patrick face it, YOU RAPED ME!
Afterwards you sent me e-mails. You went through the whole range of emotional buttons. You gave me ultimatums. You threatened to take matters about my past into your own hands if i didn't do what you wanted me to do within 24 hours. You pointed out things that my ex husband would find to use against me if ever he was to find out about them. You tell me i am not allowed to talk to your friends, who also happened to be my friends. You knew that i didn't particularly want my sexuality flaunted in court. You knew all of these things and used them as a way of trying to keep me from going to the police. Afraid that people would eventually know what kind of a person you really are. You were scared that ultimately you may have to face the facts that what happend in your childhood has made you into the person you are - a rapist!
You misread me though Patrick. I was tired of being a victim. Tired of being the one that was used and abused. You counted on the fact that i had not done anything about my past, so i wouldn't take this any further. But how wrong you were.
I knew by your e-mails that unless i did something about what you did that you would always have an emotional hold over me. The final straw was the last mail you sent me when you admitted that you were hanging around to be spoilt even more when i did eventually get the financial settlement from my divorce.
I should have gone to the police immediately, then there would have been no doubt about your guilt. I didn't becuase as usual i was thinking about others. My daughter had an important exam the next morning, and i didn't want any disruption to her normal routine. Nothing that would upset her chances.
Part of me was in deep shock. I felt betrayed, hurt, disbelief that you could do this to me. I was scared no one would believe my story, scared that you would indeed follow up your threats, scared that if i did go to the police you would find a way of conning them like you had me.
But people do believe me. The police believed me. My friends beleive me. everytone that knows me believes me. So why can't you believe me when i say i was there, and you raped me! After all i know all about consent, and i did not give you my consent that morning.
I have kept quiet until now. I have hardly told anyone. I didn't want to jepordise the trial. But now i am free to tell my story. Free to tell the truth. I wonder how people will react when they know how you really behaved that day, how you tried to keep me quiet by veiled threats? I wonder how your friends would react if they know the truth about your fantasies? How do you think they would view you if they know that you were fantasising about things that went on in prison of war camps while raping me. One in particular trusted you too.
I have nothing to hide. I have nothing to loose. You destroyed my life. You are the one with "the pain and ugliness inside" that will "one day consume me totally" Your exact words, not mine. I am innocent. I didn't ask you to rape me. I did nothing wrong, and never have. All i did was care and trust you, and this is how you repay me, by raping me.
Patrick what you did was wrong. I believe you can't really remeber what you actually did do that day. That once again the demons have pushed it deep into your subconscious with a lot of the other baggage that you willingly admit you dare not face because of the consequences. But one day you are going to have to face everything. One day something will happen that will trigger off a memory of that morning, and you will relive it and see that I am indeed telling the truth about what really happened.
I don't need a lie detector test to tell me the truth, becuase i know you raped me. It is you that is uncertain. It is you that by requesting a test is admitting you can't trust your own judgements and memory. I have no such qualms. It is you that needs the test for your own sanity. You must have doubts about your behaviour otherwise why would you need a lie detector test?
Just because the CPS have dropped the case doesn't mean you didn't rape me. It just means there was not enough evidence that they could convince a jury beyond all reasonable doubt that you did rape me. I as all that know me know beyond all reasonable doubt that you did rape me, and I don't intend to stop telling people that is what you did. Patrick you are a rapist. You had better get used to hearing the word. It is the truth.
I have faced what you did to me that morning. It is time for you to face it too. The longer you try and hide it, to pretend it didn't happen is just putting off the inevitable. By letting it grow and fester inside of you, like the other bad things from your past it will one day totally engulf you and destroy you.
I hope that you will one day find peace and forgiveness within your soul. I for one will never forgive you for raping me.
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